


Patience

by DragonWhiskers



Series: The Things We Crave [10]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Inside Kylo's head, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-21 12:39:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6051970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonWhiskers/pseuds/DragonWhiskers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo takes a little time to reflects on how things are going, with Rey, his past and where things may be heading.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Patience

Kylo sighed and raked his fingers through his hair.

It has been a whirlwind couple of days, the Finalizer buzzing with active as they prepare for the assault on Ahch-To, home of the first Jedi temple and the outlaw Luke Skywalker, last of the Jedi order. The last of his knights had arrived yesterday and they would be departing once they reached Ahch-To in about two hours’ time. He’d barley had a moments rest, even his sleep was as restless as his little scavenger’s. Between all the preparations, briefings with Hux, Lord Snoke and his knights, Kylo felt exhausted. If it had not been for the few hours a day he carved out time to spend training Rey, he didn’t know what he would have done.

His little scavenger.

She was quickly becoming a safe haven for him, someplace where he could forget his duties and just be with her, allowing her eagerness and wonder to fill him as he continued to teach her about the Force. There was still the nagging suspicion that she was still thinking of a way to leave him, but he pushed those thoughts aside when they were together. The fear had lessened somewhat after she had meet all of his knights. They had followed the twins in accepting her as a new acolyte and even taking to calling her _little sister_ in training with her. She was beginning to grow accustom to this group of lethal man. Kylo also could feel her curiosity about him was starting to win over her lingering anxieties about him.

Patience, he needed to only just be patient and she would be his, in every way he dreamed about. Kylo chuckled ruefully at himself, patience was not something he was good at.

And if he was honest, it seemed like she was an inexhaustible well of patience. He’d seen the endless marks on the side of her home, felt the weight of all of her time on Jakku, waiting for her family to return. Part of him despised them for abandoning her, but again, part of him wanted to thank them too, for that abandonment helped shape Rey into the formidable woman she was now. He was in awe of her determination and resilience when they sparred. She was quickly mastering the bokkens and even bested the twins in the last match they had after Kylo had presented her with a quarterstaff. When it came time to make her lightsaber, he assumed it would naturally be a double ended staff, after watching how well she wheedled a plain one. He thought for a moment, even he would be hard pressed to keep her at bay if she was fighting against him with one. She dispatched Remus with a laugh and quickly forced Romulus to yield. Afterwards the knights had all laughed and give her affectionate pats or grips on the shoulder, telling how well she was progressing. Rey had been all smiles and crinkled eyes, laughing along with them. Kylo had felt his pride swell along with his heart, and certain other parts of his anatomy, when she turned her face to meet his eyes then.

Gods, how he wanted her.

Their nightly conversations over dinner were also progressing well. The conversations were not limited to just training now, she asked all kinds of questions, about history, music, different worlds, cultures and societies. Having only ever experienced Jakku and then briefly Takodana, she asked all kinds of questions. Some he found silly or amusing, while others made him think, while some he found near infuriating.

Like the other evening when she was questioning him about the knight’s order, how they viewed one another, how did a brotherhood arise when they would be adversaries if Snoke commanded them to fight? What if he told them to fight to the death?

“Then to the death it would be,” He had paused watching her disgust plain on her face. She was growing fond of the knights and the idea of them dueling to the death was repulsive to her.

“But you are their leader, couldn’t you step in?” She was looking for some way to stop something that had happened in the past and may yet happen again.

“Rey, the only way one of them would try to kill another was on a direct order from Snoke, I would not be able to override that. I may be their leader, but Snoke is our Lord and Master. But I do not think that would come to pass, unless it was warranted. We were trained under Snoke, his personal students. Years and years of effort, resources, and time were poured into forming the Knight of Ren. I do not feel that he would just toss us away on a whim. There would need to be a dire reason and then the duel would only be as punishment or execution.”

“Oh, would – Would he do that?”

Kylo just looked at her, till she bit her lower lip and looked away.

That conversation had not endeared her to Snoke, but he didn’t want to sugar-coat Snoke to her. She needed to understand that he had complete control over their lives. The sooner she came to terms with that, the better.

It seems her opinion of the First Order was still very low, which in turn made him worry about how she viewed him. But as he found so often with Rey, things were never really cut and dry. When he dipped into her mind, she had the visual of Hux as the First Order and her distaste for the man was palatable, mixing with her views on the Frist Order. While the Knights of Ren, still caused a small tremor of fear in her, were now mixed with feelings of acceptance and brotherly affection. That worried him as well, did she view him as some sort of brother? He could not abide by that if that was what she was coming to feel for him, but when he found his image in her mind, he was able to lay those worries to rest.

She had him tangled up with anxiety, curiosity, attraction, and something she had yet to identify. She was enjoying her time spent with him, either training or talking in the evenings, but this overlaying sense of guilt was still there. Sometime she was able to forget it, when she was caught up in the conversation or the heat of the moment when they sparred, but when things were quiet when she was alone during the day and she was reflecting on her current situation, the guilt that she had left Jakku, stopped waiting for her family to come back for her, that she had somehow betrayed the friends that had tried to save her. The conflicting emotions were all caught up around him.

He had felt something similar once in his early days with the knighthood. Twice a year the Knight of Ren would take a sojourn to some First Order held regions for some much needed rest and relaxations. As a reward for their training. It helped build the bonds of their knighthood as they should share in everything. Battle, blood and passions. Kylo had never before been with another in a sexually manner. That was where they had introduced him to the pleasures one can find with the body of another. He remembered his own anxiety well, and how it mirrored what Rey was dealing with. He had felt the same when he was first exploring his body. Polished older women had shown him what to do with respect but some distance emotionally. He had found that younger women, after some years had passed, to be more to his liking. Their softness and inexperience making him feel all the more powerful. Posh worlds with high socialites or seedy back ally dives. It didn’t matter. He had found his release when he needed it. All that had come to a halt after he’d left the hive of the Knights behind, once he was heading the First Order on his own, he’d stopped taking time to find pleasures of the flesh. Part of him wondered if that had been a mistake, neglecting his bodily needs these last few years or so. Rey was definitely making him ache with want and a much needed release.

Kylo looked at the time and huffed. He needed to stop thinking about her and start thinking about the mission. About finally getting to kill Skywalker. It needed to be done. There would be no more Sith, no more Jedi once Skywalker was gone. Lord Snoke had told him once that he considered Kylo to be the perfect balance of light and dark, that he was the balance that Vader had strived to be before he was consumed by the dark side. Kylo had his own theories about the light and dark side, not to be completely swayed by his master’s words, but he felt the Force was neither light nor dark, but intent of the user, the mind of the user controlled where the power came from. Dark emotions were very powerful, easy to use and easy to be consumed by, just as the light was serene and calm, making the drawing of energy from there more difficult. Maybe these were ideas he needed to share with Rey, to see if that may help easy her mind about the use of the dark side of the Force.

But enough of that now, it was time to depart for Ahch-To and face Skywalker.

**Author's Note:**

> Had some time to kill and worked up this little interlude into Ren's mind. 
> 
> I'll be getting to more Reylo soon, I swear! I just have some set up to get through first...so bare with me a little longer. Promise it will be worth it.


End file.
